Don’t let whimsical, unpredictable romantic love determine whether or not you enjoy Valentine’s Day. The commercial messages are everywhere, from roses to chocolates to endless guides about how to survive the holiday alone. It is no wonder some people want to hide out on February 14th. Even so, the day does not have to control your mood. There is already enough pressure in the world without adding one more emotional deadline. A holiday should not become a test of your relationship status.

Now, I love romance as much as anyone, but romantic love is serendipitous and often fleeting. It is something to enjoy when it is present, not mourn if it is absent. Cupid may feel whimsical and unpredictable, but that is part of the point. Love comes and goes, and it never really stays by force alone. Sometimes it arrives when you least expect it, and sometimes it simply moves on. That does not make it less real while it lasts.

That is why it is so strange that singles judge themselves so harshly when Valentine’s Day arrives without a boyfriend or girlfriend in the picture. Couples are not off the hook either, because the holiday works hard to suggest that the price of a gift equals the quality of the relationship. Just watch how the price of roses triples overnight. The whole thing can feel more like pressure than romance. It is easy to forget the day is supposed to be about affection, not comparison.

For me, Valentine’s Day is a time to give a nod to romantic love, whether I am in it or not. There is no reason to feel sad or to hide out. We enjoyed Valentine’s Day as kids, and there is no reason we cannot have fun now. All it takes is the willingness to appreciate the people you loved in the past, the people you love now, and to stay open to life. If Cupid is nearby, fine. If not, the day can still be meaningful.